You write beautifully. Your description is so precise, we can feel your emotion. Thank you for sharing your feelings so honestly.
Sometimes it just feels good to see our thoughts and fears in print, and that might be what you needed when you authored your post. Other times we need someone to share the conversation.
I will send you a PM. If you would like to dialogue, I'm open to conversation through private messages.
(Chaplain at Hospice of Central Ohio)