While ushering in the new year, I've been feeling pensive. It's just one of those things - reflecting on the years gone by and what I think the future will bring. Well, when my wife and I first got married, I was focused on my career as a firefighter. I wanted to be a good provider, so I took as many shifts as I could. A couple of years down the road we started having kids and so they become the primary focus in our relationship. We loved being parents and worked to make things wonderful for our kids. A decade later we found out that I had cancer and everything changed. Thank GOD my wife is such a strong woman! She's held this family together while I've fallen apart. My wife has propped me up through chemo and countless doctors appointments. When my cancer spread and I got weaker, I had to retire from being a firefighter. Now, I'm seeing firsthand just how much energy and dedication she puts into being a great mom all day long. She's my soul mate and I don't know what I'd do without her. Sadly she'll have to learn to live without me and raise our kids alone, at least for a period of time. I feel guilty for feeling this way, but I'm honestly thankful that the shoe isn't on the other foot because I don't think I could do it. I'm just not that strong! I'm so lucky to have my wife by my side. Loving me, encouraging me, teaching me, and strengthening me. In my heart, I know it's her kind eyes and warm smile that I'll see at the end. I know she'll be whispering words of reassurance as I take my last breath and I'll go peacefully while basking in our love.